would have to spend money recruiting and
training new employees. “Employee retention,
that’s all money,” she said. Mental health,
stress and compassion fatigue costs the
funeral profession upwards of $48 billion.
Signs and Symptoms
Cheldelin Fell cited some of the signs and
symptoms of compassion fatigue. As you might
suspect, these include mental and/or physical
exhaustion, irritability, difficulty concentrating,
errors, lapses in judgment, dreading work and
insomnia.
Many people don’t understand the difference
between compassion fatigue and burnout,
but the symptoms just listed are the same
for burnout. What’s the difference then?
“Compassion fatigue has a faster onset,” said
Cheldelin Fell. “It can ebb and flow and you can
recover from it if caught early, whereas burnout
– think of a slow burn – emerges over time and
once you reach that point it is harder to mitigate.
Cheldelin Fell likened compassion fatigue to an
empty cup – there’s nothing more to give. “it’s
also for everything we do in life – when we feel
better physically, mentally and emotionally, we
cope with things better,” she said.
Self-Care Plan
The first part of a self-care plan is awareness
about how stress affects you. “Ask yourself
some hard questions – what kind of cases do
you take home,” she said. These are what she
called bottom-drawer cases, those that stick
with you through time. [...]
She advised attendees to think about what
causes them to identify with a family. What is it
that makes it so hard for you to leave it at the
door when you leave for the night. The answer
will be different for everyone. Also, consider
what other external stressors are going on in
life.
Balance
Balance is about finding that middle ground
between work and life. “Setting emotional
boundaries is critical to your well being,”
Cheldelin Fell said. “Minimize stress where you
can and engage in activities that actually make
you feel good.”
Many people find setting emotional boundaries
very difficult, but everyone must put some
kind of boundaries in place. So how do you set
emotional boundaries? “Understand how to
set emotional boundaries and adhere to those
boundaries because you don't need someone
else’s toxicity sticking to you,” she said. “Limiting
exposure to toxic relationships is much easier
said than done. We have to put up a barrier at
times because we can't take on someone else’s
toxicity.”
Think about what your support system is like.
“For many of us, our outside extracurricular
activities involve team projects,” Cheldelin Fell
said. What do you do outside work that allows
you to connect with people who enjoy things
that you enjoy? It could include being part of
a walking group, a book club or tennis club, or
golf.
Decontamination Tools
The question became, what is it that you do
when you leave work to decontaminate your
mind? “Think about how you are disengaging
and find a ritual that works for you,” she said. It
could be putting on music in the car on the way
home and singing out loud. Create a ritual that
allows you to decontaminate your mind from
the time you leave work until the time you get
home. [...]
The Problem With Stress
There is good stress (eustress) – the feeling
you get after the birth of a baby, receiving a
promotion or even buying a bigger home. “It
triggers endorphins in our brain that make us
feel good,” she said. “We also have distress,
and that triggers hormones as well, but they
Compassion is something
everyone is born with. In the
funeral industry, there is an
abundance of compassion
within each of us. We all want
to fix what appears broken. We
all empathize when people are
going through rough times.
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No. 107 – AUTUMN 2024 | THANOS MAGAZINE
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